Venice

Day 32

Woke up yesterday in our unusual Milan hotel with a plan to go straight to Venice.
So we saw very little of Milan. Only saw dirty grey buildings and streets where we were, so obviously missed the best parts I hope.
Not quite the catwalks of fashion and all that guff.

Venice is a different kettle of cod. Everyone knows what it looks like from all the films it has been in. From Bond to Indiana Jones, they have all been here.
As soon as you walk out of the train station there are boats wizzing back and fore outside.
Managed to get a hostel on the main island, right on a canal (pretty hard not to be really). Gondolas parked outside. Blokes 'driving' them had their straw hats on and cornettos in hand.

Spoilt by tat though. Street stalls sellng absolute crap. Who the hell buys this shit? Aprons with massive wangers on them?

So we had a walk round all the usual sights. Unforunately we walked round the usual sights about 72 times as we got a tad lost.
Venice is like a maze. We saw St.Marcos square and the Rialto bridge, but then we saw them again and again, and again.

And again. We were not the only ones. All you could hear from all directions was,
'I'm sure its this way,'
'Aint we been up this bastard street,'
'Where the shitting hell are we Deidre,'
'Use the bleeding map you stupid trout'
'Im sure its thish way Mish Moneypenny'

I think we wandered round for about an hour and a half, before we found the right way back. Gone dark by then. But as I said we saw the sights. They are now ingrained on my pupils.
Its quite expensive here compared to what we are used to, and they like to rip us tourists off anyway they can the thieving pizza faced gits.

Thought we would be in for a decents nights sleep last night after all that wandering and a couple of beers.
However, we hadn't counted on the snoring beast of the bunks in our room. The noise was atrocious. I'm surprised the city didn't subside under the deafening continuous snort. I have slept well everywhere really, but this was the end of that.
Contemplated taking my quilt and going to sleep in the bog or in a store cupboard. I wanted to smother him with a matress the loud sleeping shit.
Safe to say my sleep wasn't the best and nor was anyone elses, apart of course from the grunting fiend of doom.

Not getting the train till 12 tonight, so have been wandering round Venice again. Picteresque but seen enough of it now and ready to move on. Worth seeing, but I wouldn't stay too long as you can get to know it very quickly and lost even quicker.

Hope I havn't sounded to negative about the very unique place, as it is really is worth seeing. I am ending my stay here sitting in the station waiting for the night train to Rome. The bench has to be the most uncomfortable piece of furniture since the iron maiden. It is a solid metal wire grid. At least we can play noughts and crosses on my ass later.

Munich to Milan

Day 30

Travel madness has kicked in. Now I admit I can be prone to strange behaviour from time to time but this is a new one on me.
Got on the train and found I couldn't stop talking in the unique style of Sean Connery. Don't know what triggered it but I even thanked the guard in this poor Edinburgh mock accent, giggling to myself like a kid.
Lack of sleep, too much beer from NK, the sheer amount of train stations and trains we have been in, have all contributed I suppose.

Not opening my mouth now (Dave has caught the Connerys too) as Kelly has threatened to elbow us in the skull for being totally annoying nonces.
'Take it eashy Mish Moneypenny.'
Another couple of hours on the long journey, and I might be onto the next stage; the Roger Moores.

Several hours later now and the terrible Connery impressions have subsided. Though the odd 'splendid' appears when Kelly has her ipod on.
In Italy now. Never been here before. About another hour before we have to change trains in Verona. Got a cabin to ourselves so no characters to study and comment on. Scenery is very nice once again. Massive hills and mountains with vineyards in the valleys, and sunny weather too. Could do with a bit of warmth to thaw my bits after Munich.
Happy birthday to my Mam, who I did speak to on my phone, but rude Austrian tunnels and mountains kept interrupting us. Also a get well soon to my big brother. I'm sure a spell with the Welsh climate will do you no end of good.

Well, I suppose you could say we have had our first hiccup. By no means bad. Funny really.
You see we booked our room in Milan after our night out with NK and his rounds of beer.
Couldn't remember the name of the place by the morning though, and we didn't seem to have an email confirmation like we normally do which would have helped matters.
Maybe I just dreampt us booking it.

So we got to Milan this evening slightly in the dark as to where we were staying. We had complete confidence we'd find internet access in the train station or nearby to jog our memories and get directions. Hmmm!
Took us a bit of a wander to find an internet café. Stood outside a few hotels to try and nick their wi-fi internet but to no avail. Found one that was promising but were shooed away like stray mutts by the misery guts on the door.
Found an internet café eventually after asking several bemused locals. But we couldn't find where the hell we had booked. The helpful bastard at hostelbookers, where we booked it online was willing to give us the hotel name and reference. Though to get these details he asked us to give him the reference and name of the hotel.
Not being funny for the farting fun of it, but that left us in a bit of a quandary.
Oh, and even then he said he would get back to us in 24 hours.
Perfect for our one night stay tonight.

So we turned to trusty hostelworld.com and found this place, where I am now in true Morcambe and Wise or Bert & Ernie style sharing a double bed with Dave.
We did book a triple room, but the failed to tell us the amount of beds. Already arguing over the quilt and flatulence.
Its called the Hotel Oriente, and the Chinese receptionist looked like three creatures from beyond the grave had wandered in when we turned up.
'You have booking here?'
'Yesh'
'I mean, yes.'
Its safe to say we aint this hotels usual clientele. Lets say she is more used to lonely men turning up with dodgy looking tarted up tarts I think.
Saying that the room is very nice. Clean, modern and large. We are down by the reception too, so away from all the other rooms. The large mirror on the wall doesn't seem to be a two way affair, but I can't rule it out.
So here's hoping for a decent nights kip, if Dave doesn't snore like a grizzly.

Munich

Day 29

Did a bit of cooking yesterday evening. Well boiling really. These girls were handing out free food at the train station so had to get involved. Could make out on the packet they would be ready in funf minuten so sounded good. Had no idea what we ate. Looked a bit like dumplings and basicallly tasted like soggy lumps of toilet paper by the time we had finished with them. Stuck a bit of chilli powder on them we found in the skanky hostel kitchen cupboard and bobs your uncle, mushed up andrex with a bit of kick.
They did just go on and on too, but were free and filled a gap.
Met a spanish guy while creating the culinary muck. He looked like Adam Sandler and was pretty funny. Never seem to get peoples names. Must remember to ask. A Chinese girl turned up then with the same free packet of splodge. She had the cheek to laugh at our feast!

Thought we'd pop out for a proper quiet scoff afterwards across the road from the hostel and stumbled across a crazy Bavarian beer fest place. Before I could say lederhosen we were crammed in on a table with locals, and a litre of the local booze appeared in front of us. The waiter was an absolute headcase. An asian german old guy with a ponytail shouting high five and forcing drink and grub on us.
Gave up on the food as all in foreign so had a liquid meal. Two guys piped up on their wind instruments and the singing started from wasted germans. Would have joined in but the words were a little tricky to get the hang of. Didn't get too crazy. I was hoping we would be up on the table swinging our steins. Maybe tonight.

Up early this morning for our walking tour. Couldn't really enjoy it as it was so cold I think most of my internal organs shut down and my eyes were starting to freeze. The best bit was when he said we were at the end, and we could get inside to thaw my face out. The tour was given by a guy from Liverpool who sounded about as scouse as Clint Eastwood and looked like Steve Coogan.
Basicallly the histiory of Munich can be summed up with drunk monks, lions, beer, the plauge, catfish, the devil building a church, Hitler driving a stolen ambulance, beer and the olympics. Might have been hallucinating from the siberian temperatures at some points but think I got the jist.
Not as good as the Berlin walking tour, where more stuff seemed to have gone on but better than a kick in the zweibels.

Met the absolute legend that is NK at the bahnhof this evening. Amaziing that we can meet someone we talked to in Barcelona over a few drinks. He took us to a genuine Bavarian eating and boozing place. Apart from the fact he paid for all the drinks he qualifies as my new German grandad just for being a very nice man. He did think Kelly was an Aussie though!
An American couple from Chicago also joined us at our table and they were bloody nice and funny too. Honest. Will look them up when we get to the states.
Splendid night.
Off to bed now. Tomorrow we leave for Milan which takes 7 hours. Coffee better be good. Prost!

Munich

Day 28

A tidy evening spent in Salzburg yesterday consisting of a couple of beers and a mcdonalds. Tasted absolutely bloody lovely. Same shit wherever you go and who can fault it. Well done Ronald.

Ze old town was again very old and towny and as I have come to expect had lots of oldy cool buildings. Even the mcdonalds was disguised in an old type building with old signs. They could not hide it from me though.

The only problem I am having with all these oldy nice buildings is that most of them seem to have scaffolding on them somewhere. Maybe it is the time of year, but I could have taken photos of the scaffolding of Europe on smart ancient buildings and had quite a collection by now. At least the Eifel tower didn't have any on it. Don't think so anyway.


So, we caught the short train ride north into Germany and Munich this morning. A monstrous city compared with our last couple of stops. The hostel is quite central but amongst grey ugly buildings, some looking like northern mills. Swell.

Had our usual aimless wander and first impressions were not favourable.

However, we were still on the outskirts of this Bavarian metropolis, and a further wander got us into the city centre proper. Its smart and has massive old buildings like cathedrals or something similar. The scaffolding looked as lovely as ever.
A brass band was belting out some german favourites in the square. Maybe a bit of Hasslehoff, but unsure exactly what they were playing. Gave some old sod some money and I got a little badge in return. Worth it for a bit of trombone.

Needed a refreshment break and stumbled across a cake scoffers paradise. It was jam packed full of german geriatics getting their fill of sponge and flan. Had a hot choccy with a lump of cream on top and a wedge of cheese cake. Tidy.

So in an easy internet cafe now typing this tripe. Arranged to meet NK who we met in Barcelona tomorrow evening. He was the 71 year old, originally from Delhi who we got talking to while hoarding the booze at the free bar. He is gonna show us a good local place to eat the Bavarian grub and maybe some other local sights. Should be interesting.
Also gonna do the free walking tour tomorrow like the one we did in Berlin as have no idea of the history of this place and stops us walking round aimlessly as usual. This time tomorrow I will be an expert on all things Munchen.
Wunderbar

Ljubiljana to Salzburg

Day 27

We're on the road again.
Well rail.
Heading back to Austria after our brief stay in Slovenia.
This has to be the most spectacular rail journey so far. Those snow topped mountains we could see yesterday in the far distance are now right in our faces as we pass along their edges. Massive drops eitherside into valleys with quaint little streams. Pine trees everywhere. Like a big christmas card.
Felt like we were flying at one point.

Wow and similar type expressions of wonder.
We just went through a massive tunnel and came out the other end in a snow filled winter wonderland. Bursting to get out and launch a snowball or construct a nice snowman. Glad the heatings on in the carriage as it looks a bit parky out there. I wonder if the train has one of those massive ploughs on the front.
Bad Hofgastein is the name of the station we have just stopped at, so if you like a bit of snow head here. I'm gonna carry on staring out at the very white landscape, hoping for a glance of a yeti or claus.

Sitting in a Salzburg café now. Lots of sound of music stuff about. They show it every day at 8 in the hostel. Hope I make it back in time.
Old town type place surrounded by them now familiar snow peaked mountains. Better get back as left Kelly doing the laundry. Like the good old days.

Ljubljana

Day 26

This is a smarter looking, tidier little town than even Zagreb. Its very bloody nice like. In Slovenia by the way, as I'd never heard of it before either.

Had a good train journey here. Smashing countryside with the train following the river a lot of the way, through a massive wooded valley. Marvellous scenery.
Had a half decent sized cup of coffee this time, but it tasted like multi surface pledge.
Polished it off though.

The hostel is very smart. We have a private room so we can party like it was 1999.
The only problem are the locals (who work here) can not talk without bellowing at the top of their voices. They shout in each others faces like crazy sergeant majors. Thought they were arguing at first, but I think they were just discussing the music of Fergel Sharkey.

A little river runs past the hostel, flowing past the street market packed with vege and fruit. An overwhelming stench of pumpkins fills the air. My ambient mood was ruined by two yanks who approached me on a mission as I tried to take a photo of a duck.
Unluckily for them their mission was from God. They couldn't have picked a worse person to attempt their holy guff on, if they'd approached lucifer himself . I bit on my lip trying to supress my evil sarcasm, but it was too late. I don't recall my exact words, but I requested their spread their word elsewhere immediately and bid them a hasty farewell.
Jesus wept.

Wandered round the picturesque streets without further interuption. Tried to find the zoo, but it was a bit far out of town so knocked that on the head.
Was starting to notice at this point how young everyone was in this place. Didn't seem to be anyone over 30. Perhaps it is like that film here where the bump everyone off when the reach a certain age. Getting a bit worried at this point. Hopefully they will judge me on my mental age, so I'll still have another 20 years safe here.
Lucky I had bought some nivea Q10 revitalising cream in spar, just incase they come for me in the night.

Rounded off the wander with a ride on the trammy type cable car thingy up the hill. Think they are called fenicular cars or something like that.
It was really steep and with the car made of glass, made for spectacular views all over the city.
The castle was at the top and awfully nice it was too. The view was even better from there. As they say in Slovenia it was pigging superb.

To top it off like the icing on a massive mountainous size set of cakes, there were massive snow topped mountains, providing the background.
Can't get nicer than that see.

So all in all our one day in Ljubljana has been absolutely great.
Topped it off with a fine and cheap meal in a local restaurant. Basically had chicken and chips. Was put off by the alternative of horse, though could have spent a couple of more euros and treated myself to the stallion steak.

Zagreb

Day 25

What a smart looking friendly town this seems. Pity it is absolutely belting down and cold.
Been in four cafes already this morning just to get out of the rain.

Found the place well last night. We didn't get in till after 11, so didn't fancy wandring round in the Croatian dark trying to find our digs. Took a tram and again didn't pay. We are making a habit of it. When/if we get caught Kelly is gonna start crying to the guard, pleading our ignorance. My back up plan is to have a fit.

The bloke that runs the hostel seems completely crazy. Had a chat with him while I was waiting to brush my pegs. He says Wales girls are the best in England, and a Croatian bloke invented the modern book keeping system. He looks like he belongs in the local version of jackass.
Tried to make me go for some beers with him, but I said they wouldn't go with the taste of sensodyne.

Drying off in another café now. It does seem a really nice city. Clean, modern, and not too big. Kelly has compared it to Carmarthen!
That might be down to the weather.
Trying to find wet weather attractions. Its a tough choice between the museum of Zagreb history, museum of Croatian history, museum of Zagreb art, or the museum of the art of Croatia.
I have opted to wander round in the rain.

Well it is slightly later now and we gave up all hopes of seeing Zagreb properly due to the shitty weather.
So we resorted to spending some time with our hostel room dudes in the common room. It had a dvd player and we opted to watch a good film.
Unfortunately they didn't have any good films and we watched Predator 2. Completely shit film, but had a laugh and did meet some nice (quiet) Aussies.

Sitting in another café on the main square now watching the umbrellas and trams (free they are) go by. It has been raining non stop since the second we got here and it has a chill with it. Not getting us down though. Will soon let you know when I get pissed off. Will be an event in itself.
Off to wash my hair soon before it turns into dreadlocks. Got a nice shampoo for 80p in Budapest. Cause I'm worth it.

Budapest to Zagreb.

Day 24

Well hopefully anyway if we are on the right train. A near six hour journey awaits, so this should be a barrel of laughs.
Getting dark now, so the view out of the window won't help pass the time. All I'll get soon is mine and fellow passengers reflections. Nowhere to bloody look then, as you spend most of the time avoiding their real eyes, and then their mirror images catch you. Hopefully the weird looking couple across from me are vampires so I won't have to worry. Though he looks a bit too cross eyed to be a credible vampire.

Behind me are giggling girls. Possibly Hungarian, but sound Russian to me. If they are at it for 6 hours I'm putting the iron curtain back up.

There is definetly a lot of boozing in Budapest. You constantly see them carrying cans of beer on the streets as the norm. No wonder there are so many kebab sellers then. Did have one earlier. A chicken one. Tasted ok, and hopefully I won't get budapest belly. Give me a chance to try my immodium though. Always wondered if they work.

I got a lot of people, mainly girls (first time for everything and there are a hell of a lot of opticians in the city) looking at me and doing double takes in Budapest. Now I am used to having strange looks but this went one step further. I came to the positive conclusion that I resemble one of Hungary's best known rock stars or tv idols. The Budapestian Mark Curry.
That thought didn't last long though when I realised I could look like the countries most notorious serial killer, Boris the Budapest bint bludgeoner.
Oh well, either way I would be a hit with the ladies I'm sure.

The trolley lady just came round so we treated ourselves to a coffee. To say that they were small would be a massive under estimation of the highest order. The cups were about the size of them plastic ones you get on the top of cough mixture bottles. I was worried the splash of the sugar cube would empty the thing. So we sat there supping away (one sup did it I think), looking like a child had served us from her dollys tea set. I dared not dunk any of my hobknob in it, as it would have soaked all the coffee up in one go.
Tasted nice while it lasted though.

The vampires have moved anyway. Probably the garlic shampoo I bought in Prague. They must have been Hungarian vampires as they were swigging from a massive can of beer. Got my ipod blasting (theme from Raiders of the lost ark for some reason) so I can't hear the russian giggles.

Who knows what awaits in Zagreb. Getting there late so won't see much of it till tomorrow. The train is going all the way to Venice, so if we fall asleep and miss our stop, there are worse places we could end up.

On an ending note I was just trying to think what Hungary was/is famous for.
My initial thought was absolutely feck all.
But, not all is lost by a long shot. I'm sure Freddie Mercury hailed from these parts. Could be mistaken but I'm going with that. Don't think Brian May was a local though.
And best of all I think the rubiks cube was a mad creation of a Hungarian.
Don't think I ever solved one of those without taking all the stickers off and making it slightly easier that way.
Could do with one now, though I always preferred his snake.

Budapest

Day 23

Bit of a hangover this morning. The beers less than a pound and stronger than Geoff Capes so had to be tried. According to Dave 9% of Budapestians are alcoholics. So again, when in Rome.

Our hostel this time is a Buddhist based affair. Very chilled out and nice but no bloody beds when we got here as they messed our booking up. Too much meditating I suppose. I ended up with a bed on a shelf right next to some stranger, and Dave was on the sofa. Kelly had the only proper bed as we are gentlemen like that.

Swampy who runs the joint here is very nice, and has some fancy yoga type moves. He lives on the shelf above this computer so will be nice incase he is reading this through the gaps.

The City is ok. I am running out of things to say without repeating myself. It has buildings, trams, a river and mcdonalds a plenty. Had a massive walk today, which cleared my blurry brain. Quite a lot of homeless about, including one poor wretch who was rolling about crying, totally out of his brain. I know how he felt this morning.

Kebabs everywhere. You can't walk down a street without seeing the revolving elephant leg. Havn't been tempted yet though.

Off to Zagreb tomorrow as getting to Romania is too much a pain in the neck.

Vienna to Budapest

Day 22

Its goodnight Vienna and on another train to Hungary. In one of those Harry Potter style carriages from back in the day. Hope it aint reserved, and we don't get launched out onto the track followed by our bags. Soon find out.

Yesterday in Vienna started off wet so we never got to see the summer palace. Did wander up to the shopping street again and purchased a book to keep me entertained. Threw my last book I brought from home, as it was a highbrow unentertaining, boring pile of horse shit. Was gonna get the beano or something, but settled on 'Around the world in 80 days.'

Did see some of ze old town in Vienna, and it all seems a very nice place. Went to the cinema as the Bourne Ultimatum was showing and we needn't a break. Was in English luckily, as my German hasn't overly improved. There was less legroom in there than a dwarfs pair of shorts, so while I was in aisle 5, my feet had a terrible view from the front row Enjoyed though, despite the deep veined thrombosis. Came out of there wanting to beat the holy crap out of someone with just a toothbrush.

So Vienna was a good chill out place, and we didn't have a drop of booze either. The hostel was good, with the only downside being the pathetic breakfast. In Berlin we had a massive buffet of endless nosh, which could have fed half the german army, and it was free. Here we had two pieces of bread, which you could have cracked walnuts with and a tiny carton of jam, that an ant wouldn't bother with. All for 2 euros 50. Rubbish.

Well we wer'nt thrown off the train, though the Arnie like guard told Kelly to remove her feet from the seat, or she would be terminated.
Hungary now.
Pathetic breakfast see.

Vienna

Day 20

In means nothing to me Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Vienna.

Well to be honest I do know little about this place, apart from it being in Austria and called Vienna. Or Wien if you are a local.

The train here turned out ok. We were supposed to reserve it but our expert acting dumb skills got us past the rather nice guard and allowed us to get rid of the remainder of our czech wonga on the small fee. We didn't pay for the tram to the train station either, though I had a plan to jump off if any guard got on. Kelly was thinking on the same lines, while I think Dave was just thinking about food.

Got a nice room in the hostel. More yanks and aussies. Quiet bastards (can't wait to go to Australia and America). Did take us awhile to find it but as always we got here.
Had a wander up the main street, and it is very British like, but in a good way. Bought some roasted chestnuts of a street nutman. Delightful. Used my german again. Think I called him a left luggage office but it got me my conkers.

Dined on a salad (see not only am I washing my pants, I am eating healthy too). It was rather lovely. Really. Aint given in to a mcdonalds yet though they are everywhere. A subtle cap you could buy in Prague brought a chuckle or two. Basically the logo in the same style said Mcshit. Should have bought it as a christmas pressie. My nan likes hats.

At this stage of the trip I have learnt two important facts about my fellow travellers.
Kelly bangs her head at least 17 times a day on her bunk bed (she still insists on the lower bunks) and Dave never stops eating. I think he had about 36 schnitzel gruben the other day in Berlin.

Got the winter palace and the summer palaces to see tomorrow. We are based in the middle so perfectly situated. This must be spring.
Won't get up too early unless the noise of heads butting bunks or someone bunking out for a morning kebab wakes me.
As they say in Austria,
'night all.'

Prague

Day 19

Firstly a big blogging shout out to Chrissy G who is appreciated as the no.1 blog comment geezer/reader.
Possibly the only reader but it makes it all worth while. I have tried to get your comments on, but my bloody blooging thing keeps switching to the language wherever I may be. For instance I am trying to understand czech slang just to get this on the page.
Once I get hold of a proper computer for a few minutes and not this phone thing I should be able to publish any comments. So everyone get involved and tell me how much this guff is boring you or otherwise.
You might notice the dates are all a cock at the moment and there are a lack of pictures. Again that is the limitations of this phone. Will sort it when I can be cowing bothered.

Anyway, what have we done today you ask!
Well had a nice crunchy breakfast cereal to start te day. Went up for seconds.
The weather is really nice. Like a hot spring day, which compared to Berlin is amazing as I thought it was only up the road.
Got the tram down to ze old town and wandered round as usual. To be honest it is getting hard to take everything in as we are zipping from city to city like convicts on the run. Lucky I have been here before, so I can half switch off.
Went over Charles bridge (he didn't mind) and up to the castle. Must have been a thousand steps to walk up and the tightnest of my newly washed (yes I am laundering my clothes and havn't had to turn my kegs inside out yet) jeans didn't help matters.
Nice view from the top though.

Went back to the famous 'maybe cheese' eatery for some grub. The waitress was more miserable than skegness, and the food took nearly an hour to come. Nice cheap stuff though.

So, sitting in the hostel reception/computer room. The receptionist is very entertaining as he is arsey to everyone in a sort of a nice way. Partly down to his Czech efforts at english, but mainly I think cause he is an arsey bastard. Seems to take it out on the yanks mostly which is good. He just told some bloke he is a human being and not a change machine when he asked for some change. He told another that if he can't understand what he means by a locker he is gonna end the conversation now and leave. I asked for a bottle of water and he said in his arsey but nice way that the czech tap water is fine to drink. Its just the way he says things too. He makes, 'can I help you,' sound exactly like, 'what do you want you foreign yank shit stick, can I offer you a punch in the back of the skull and a kick in the throat.'
He would do well in the Czech version of Fawlty Towers. He even has that bell on the counter. Bet he goes absolutely insane if some weary traveller dares ring it.
I am tempted.

As the booze is so cheap in Prague, especially in this area as we are outside the main touristy bit, it would be rude not to indulge again tonight, so we are gonna try the hostel bar and then probably back into town for a few more in Harleys. Just for ze taste.

Prague

Day 18

Flaming el Ailsa this Aussie can talk. We seem to have the loudest southern hemisphere character since Dame Edna in our dorm. His name is Simon!
Cool hostel though. No christians though.

Train was fine from Berlin and on time. Fighting for seats though as they were mostly reserved. Some old kraut accused us of sitting in his seat but I didn't take any of that shit as he couldn't prove it. We win again.
Sat by a Canadian girl (Kelly christened her Arcadia!) who could talk the antlers of a moose. I just grunted back and said 'yes' in the wrong places. Nice enough though.

Totally confused by Prague money after living on euros for awhile. Thought we were taking megabucks out of the cashpoint but turned out to be about 6 quid. Think that can still buy you a house here and have change for a sausage.
As we are not staying right in the centre the beer and nosh is even cheaper. Dined like kings for about 9 bucks.

Headed into town on the tram (the wrong way first) and straight to our rock bar we frequented last year. Went in the wrong place first and thougt it had become a restaurant which would have been devastating.
But no there was Harleys rocking like always, and ice in the urinal trough to melt and cause avalanche havoc with your piddle. Superb stuff.
Rounds cost about 3.50 so once again we have been drinking like Oliver Reed in a brewery.

Will take in the cultural sights of Prague tomorrow!

Berlin

Day 17

Busy day yesterday in ze German capital. Didn't get up to early as was due a bit of a rest. Hard life this.
Went on the free tour which lasted about 4 hours. Maybe more. Bloody cold here so wrapped up warmer.
Took in all the sights and the kiwi bird (not an actual bird) doing the tour was pretty good with all the history. So saw the Brandenberg gate, jewish holocaust memorial, Berlin wall (still a little bit left), Hitler' bunker (just a place for dogs to crap by a car park now), checkpoint charlie, some other nazi related buildings and a few museum type buildings too.
Also tried a couple of local delicays. German is improving, as I was at least on the right track when I called the vendor a sausage.
Back to the hostel for a very short rest. Have some interesting room mates with an Ecuadorian living in Belgium. Don't know his name. Probably Alan. And there is a young Chinese guy who speaks no english and just stares like a nutter. Think his name is Nigel.

So the rest was needed as we hit the pub crawl. We were supposed to pay 11 euros but no-one took our money so well gutted about that.
Started with a barrel of beer for free in the first pub and then the free vodka orange shots began which was nice. Think we went to about 5 pubs. Quite a good crowd and met some aussies, yanks, romanians and germans. Ended up at some club we had to get two tubes too so no idea where we were. Luckily the price of the tubes was included in our 11 euro fee!
The club was like any back home, so had a bit of a boogie and rocked it up in another room. Same old music all over the world.
Wasn't destoyed but didn't get back to the hostel till nearly four and then got up for breakfast at half eight.
Strangely enough I am absolutely knackered now, but it didn't help that we went for another massive walk of Berlin today. Boosted our moods by going to see where the gestapo planned and carried out their sick atrocities. Really very very very sick evil bastards. Least the Germans aint hiding what went on. Don't fancy seeing the concentration camps now, though there is one near by. Apparently it has a mcdonalds there too! Ruddy hell!

Having tea in the hostel in about an hour so won't go far tonight. Off to Prague tomorrow and Vienna after that.
Have booked our flights to Sri Lanka and Oz. Leave from Athens as it was the cheapest and we have created an adventure to get there. Have to get down to Bari (hope it has an island), where we catch a 15 hour ferry to Patras in Greece and then a train on to Athens. Proper Phileas Fogg travelling like. Will probably be an absolute mess when we eventually get to Sri Lanka but should be a laugh.

Nice to see the swans win again. Wait till I go to win every game with a shit load of goals why don't you.

Berlin

Day 15

So another night tucked up in bed and another country and another city.
The train from Amsterdam was delayed by over an hour, so we were starting to get a bit pissed off on the platform. Turned up eventually though and we had good seats. Bloody good thing too, seen as the journey was over 6 hours.
Went well though and got to Berlin no problem. The train station is like something out of buck rogers. Massive spaceport of a thing. The lifts looked like you would just step in them and you would be sucked through a glass tube, and it had enough escalators to get to mars.
Taxi man took us straight to the hostel. I tried my range of German. Think I told him I had two cats and my brother was a semi detatched post office looking back. Its the effort that counts.
The hostel is very nice and very big. Aint seen much of Berlin yet as was dark when we got here. Have been for an authentic local meal though.
Had a chicken madras and a pint. Nowhere near as hot as our currys. Tasty and cheap though.
Off for a free walking tour of the city tomorrow. Get to see Hitler's bunker and other war type stuff. Then a pub crawl in the night. Ze calm before ze blitzkreig.

Amsterdam

Day 14 in the big bible house.

Was still like a zombie this morning. I blame the hard travelling and lack of perfect sleep. Kelly blames the dodgie doobie or 2 I had last night (sorry Mam I had to try them, as when in Rome and all that. Christ I could have been in Rome for all I knew after them.)

Just wandered round the town this morning (in a daze). Its ok, lots of canals, but a bit claustrophobic in my opinion. Had a cheese roll. Just the tulips now to experience the full set of local cliches.

Went to the Anne Frank House. That cheered me up no end. Makes you realise how lucky you are though and what a lot of evil bastards there really were.

Then we took our lives in our hands and hired some bikes. The locals cycle round here like absolute nut baskets. They must be doing around 100 mph and stop for nothing. Didn't help when I got on mine and realised it had no brakes on the handlebars. Thought I might just have to stick my shoe on the bag tyre, but worked out you pedal backwards to brake. Easier said than done, and I frequently used the kerb or Kellys back tyre to stop. Dave was always flying ahead, as I don't think he had found the brake. Nearly fell off my bike due to pure laughter when he was cut up trying to overtake a stephen hawkings doppelganger in a souped up powered wheelchair. Did get very hairy at some points, when it was suddenly like the wacky races and we were surrounded by dutch maniacs cycling so fast, you swear their windmils were on fire. Combined with their clogs on and the shit they had probably been inhaling all day, it made for a bad bicycling combination.
Still we survived, and got out bikes back in one piece. The rental lady said my bike was called the beast. Which is nice.

So retiring for another night. Just been for some nosh and a couple of beers this evening. Off to Berlin in the morning. Train is over six hours so will practice my German. Was totally crap at it in school so I can't see me doing Frau Gallagher proud. Ich habe zwei katze und ein bruder. Mein bratwurst ist kaput. Ich bin arseholed.

Amsterdam

Day13

Retiring for the night in a christian hostel. Managed to avoid saying the lords name in vain, but have had a few bad stares for using the word 'shit' in vain. They are serious bashers of the bible here and was invited to their daily prayer meeting. This one was entitled 'surrender yourself to God.' Didn't see much in that one for me.

Well, Amsterdam is all you'd would expect. Seen all the sights with the sex museum, cafe's of much weed, and birds in red lighted rooms with just their bed clothes on. Some were facing away, smacking their arses, while others had faces like smacked arses.

Tired this evening after all the excesses and travelling. Totally forgetting what day it is all the time. Don't suppose it really matters, as every day is sunday in this place. Aint seen any nuns wandering round the place yet though.

Brussels

Day 12

It is a rainy evening in this Belgian paradise and I'm hoping for a game of table footy in the 'common room,' if someone will play with me.
The hostel isn't exactly in the best of areas. A bit like being in Perry Barr again, but friendlier.
We have managed to dine today on next to nothing with soup for lunch for three euros and a Vietnam tea for four and a bit euros. The latter was supposed to be pork, but could have been a stray hound. Tasted ok though, and for that price who could complain, apart from rover himself.

Had a wander round. Some nice buildings in parts, but not exactly Barcelona. When the rain started, and we were walking down a certain street it could have been Newport. Had a stella though in its home country as that had to be done.

Hostel is nice though, even if the bedroom area smells like a damp walrus. The toilet is a bit weird too. Just a big disabled bog converted. Still has that chair you can sit on in the shower which will come in handy if I get tired.

Amsterdam tomorrow which should be different!

Barcelona to Brussels

Day 11

Leaving Barcelona now. Writing this as we sit on the train to Cebere, where we have to change to go back to Paris and on to Brussels. Back on our clock-wise trail of Europe, after our free bar induced diversion.

Just dropped the stylus pen thingy that comes with this phone/computer thingy down the side of the chair, and after several futile attempts it hs been lost in the bowels of the train. The first casualty of the trip.

Went to the Nou Camp earlier and did a tour. Bit of a shit hole really from the outside. Looks better on TV, but glad we did it. Bit better than the Vetch I suppose.

Left our apartment about two ish, but not before a run in with the Spanish Dalziel and Pascoe. Had a bang at the door, and when I answered it there were two police badges in my face held by two plain clothes cops. Knew we should have validated those metro passes in Paris. They'd hunted us down across two countries.
But no, they went on about complaints from neighbours about our apartment. Seen as the most noise coming from us during our two days was snoring I was baffled. Then I did drop a peg off the balcony while hanging out my kegs yesterday, and it missed some bloke by millimetres. Could be that!
When he realised it was an apartment hired to the tourist likes of us, he laughed, and said he understood we were crazy party animals. Couldn't be bothered to explain we were out all night on the first night boozing, and in bed by eleven the second, so technically he was right, but we were party animaling quite a few miles away.

All going well so far then, and looking forward to a change of scenery. Our mission is to find out if sprouts really did originate in Brussels. Hope so, as I am a sprout fan and imagine they make some interesting meals with them there. Sprout kebab would be nice.

On the night train again now. Back up to Paris from Cerbone. Much nicer than the last one I reckons, though they have got six beds in these cabins and we didn't have it too long to ourselves, as a couple of Frenchies have joined us in Perpignan. They don't smell or stare at us. Bog is nice too, though I did just smash my head on the wall, trying to brush my teeth. Can't believe people attempt to shave on trains. I would lose my lips, nose and possibly a ear if I tried it.
Does feel like a rollercoaster again. Don't believe any of that shit about be gently rocked to sleep, and the soothing sounds of the sleepers as we float along. Absolute bollocks.
Anyway. Night each.

Ok, in the Brussels hostel now adding this to the blog. All trains went well. I slept ok and feel good, though I keep swaying back and fore as though I'm still on a train. Cool.
First impressions are that Belgiums are mad and nice. Off to explore after we are allowed in our rooms and had a shower.
Sprouts, chocolate, Tin Tin and beer.

Catalanonic

Day 10

The third free bar was tackled head on and beaten. And no hangover too, even though we didn't get to bed till the time I used to get up to go to work..

We weren't gonna make the mistake of last night and miss out on our full supply of free booze, so the hoarding technique was used. I think I ordered eight bottles of bud at one point and they were stored nicely under the table in Bungle's bar. Spoke to an Indian guy from Munich. If I remember rightly his name was Dr. Nandakishore Banerjee. Might be wrong though as I did drink half the bar.

Maybe he was just called Jeff.
He said he will meet us in Munich if we go there and show us the sights. He was seventy-two so that should be a laugh.

So got to bed about seven this morning after breakfast. Up like a lark about half one and went for a wander on my own, munching on an apple. Hot dog for lunch too.

Sitting in the apartment now planning the next stages of our epic journey. We are gonna stay in a christian hostel in Amsterdam. Hope its run by nuns. Might not shave now and they might mistake me for the second coming. Knew I was gonna get crucified in Amsterdam, but not like this.

Barcelona

Day 9

Another day in Barcelona. I can see now why Freddie Mercury sung about it with such moustache based passion as it is a splendid place.
Had to move apartments today, so up early after going to bed about 5ish, after another free night on the toon. Well sort of free, cause they suddenly decided to start to charge in the club, and coincidently we suddenly decided to stop drinking.
I had my photo taken with a bird dressed as a cat and had conversations with mad South Africans, Malteseans and Swedes about betting and rugby. Two of my favourite subjects!

Staying in the Gothic quarter now and it is like the set of a horror film. I'm hoping Frankenstein's monster wanders up the narrows tonight, growling and stuff. Ain't wandered far today so hopefully I will tomorrow if round 3 of the free boozathon isn't too destructive. Nearly ended up in a hotel penthouse suite last night with some betting big cheese, but we couldn't get a taxi there. Could be on tonight so I could be in bed all day tomorrow if the champagne flows.

Have booked a hostel in Brussels for our next stop so looking forward to some sprouts there. Two more days here first though.

Barcelona

Day 8

Survived the first free bar in a club called Joker. Its a very strange experience not having to pay for drinks, but rather a nice one like.
Didn't have a hangover either. Maybe I don't have hangovers, but my brain just hurts and I feel sick from the amount of dosh I've spent the night before. I'll tell you tomorrow if that is the case as round two is tonight.

Went to Daves betting conference thing today. Was all over my head, but I did get free t-shirts, hats, food, mouse mats, pens and balls. We also decided to set up a new company called eggybets.com so look out for that!

Sent a postcard to my Nan as she isn't really to hot on the internet to read this tripe. Well not that I know of anyway. She could be chatting away to fellow nearly 90 year olds on MSN for all I know, so Hi Nan if you are reading, and apologies for the course language but I have to tell it like it effing is like.

Oh and Barcelona is rather nice. Was warm today, after a lot of rain yesterday. Even the taxi drivers seem nice so all good. Drive like deranged maniacs, but nice all the same.

Barcelona

Day7

Survived the night train. Don't think I slept too much as it tended to throw you round a bit. Sort of like trying to kip on a rollercoaster. Fun though. The weirdo didn't cause any problems apart from his stench.

In the apartment in Barcelona now. Absolutely pissing down with rain but nice here like. Only had a small wander so far so ain't seen the sights. Though I'm not sure what the sights are here apart from the Nou Camp. Apparently we have a free bar every night with Dave's betting people so I am unlikely to be able to type again ever.

Paris to Barcelona

Day 6

On the night train to Barcelona. The cabin is smaller than one of Ronnie Corbetts socks but allright like. There is another bloke in with us. The only English I have heard him speak is 'Help me?' But he seems harmless enough I think, even if he does smell like a doner kebab. Hope he doesn't go too mental in the night and attack us.

Went to find Quasimodo yesterday at Notre Dame. Thought I would have recognised him if I saw him but he didn't ring any bells.
Also went on a cruise on the Seine which was good but stood at the back all the way and think I went funny on the fumes.

Must have done more laps of Paris than the Tour de France on the metro. I think it helped that we didn't validate our tickets so they were unlimited, and the French don't seem to give a crepe.

Lovely city, and a good start to our travels.

Anyway I have had a bit of red wine and only another nine hours on this train of consequences.